Not-a-Pessimist

All the pretty, crazy people. Pretty there, where it matters. In mind and heart and soul. 

I’m going to break this more times that I will probably ever care to count. But will you help me hold to it, at least somewhat? My friends, please help me never yell. Tell me when I’m yelling. And give me a choice of calming down or walking out. Leave the situation or fix the situation. Because I can’t do yelling. I can’t do homework, I can’t sweep, I can’t drive, I get the shakes, and I just can’t do anything. And if I’m going to ask you not to yell around me, not to yell at me, then I have to do the same. Please… I can’t handle it. I can’t do people yelling at me, and I can’t do them yelling at others. I just can’t do it. Please help me keep from doing that to others, to you. I know I’ll fuck up, but I know what it feels like to be yelled at, to know you’ve caused someone else to be yelled at, and to have to listen when others are being yelled at through no fault of your own. It hurts. Help me remember what that feels like when I raise my voice. And please… Please try not to yell around me. Yell in anger, anyway. I’m never going to quit hollering up the stairs. [wry smile]

Ish. Close enough. Work has to be done at //some// point.

Without Reason

Papercut

One Step Closer

In the End

Not Alone

Leave Out All the Rest

Uncertainty

New Divide

Numb

Over My Head (Cable Car)

The Tower

How to Save a Life

I won’t be able to think anymore.

that I’ll have to feign happiness when I walk across the stage. 

that… that… that I won’t fight until there’s no one still fighting for me. 

I can incite a mental breakdown much faster than you can, thank you very much. 

I’m so numb. Isn’t that a frightening thought? Numb and raw, all at once. 

my family found out I’d been doing crappy in school, it was the day of my uncle’s funeral. Now it’s my dad’s birthday. [wry chuckle, curls up]